This One Girl

2012. A new year. 366 days to make something happen with your life (Fun Fact: 2012 is a leap year). Twelve more months of our lives until another new year comes around (Fun Fact: the world will end on December 21, 2012). At the beginnings of years, some people make a New Year’s Resolution; something that they want to change in their lives, or sometimes a goal that they want to achieve before the year once again cycles to its end. I’ve never been one to make New Year’s resolutions, as you can never predict exactly what will happen in the next year; you can, however, make an effort to make something happen, if you are determined enough. I have many plans for 2012, and one of them includes being more transparent. Maybe it’s just because I love writing, but the idea of making this website that you are reading this on now is because I want to share my own experiences in life with you, so that maybe you can understand me better, and in turn, I can understand you better. That’s what the comments section is for, and I hope that people use it. I don’t only write for myself, but also so that I can learn from you all as well. I am nowhere near perfect (Fun Fact: many people claim there is no such thing as “perfection”, however others conclude that it is a matter of opinion that can be used freely in certain situations), but I want to be better. However, what I am writing about today is more about a certain situation that occurred recently, as well as a discussion that I’ve had with one of my friends, which proved to be more right than I wanted to believe.

Love sucks. Or at least, the thought of love sucks. Now, before you grab the torches and pitchforks, hear me out on this one. I am fully aware that a topic like this is completely a matter of being a personal opinion, but I’m hoping that some of you will understand where I’m coming from when I explain myself. A few people who know me know that I love love and that I love to love love, but love and I have a love-hate relationship going on. I’ve never really had a true group of friends that I always hung out with, and those few people who I did hang out with, I always had a feeling in the back of my mind that I didn’t fit in. That still holds true today, in many aspects. I think it’s one of the things that has made me want a significant other so badly; the want for someone to always be there, who I can know and trust. As with any man, I’ve had crushes on many a young lady in my time, but one has always stood out for some ridiculous reason that I still can’t explain, even to this day. She is a girl who I’ve had a crush on for years now, for whatever reason, and even though we’ve talked about it, and I know for a fact that she doesn’t feel the same way about it, I linger on it for absolutely no good reason. I always ask myself, “Why do you keep thinking about her, even though she doesn’t do the same back?”

It’s a weird thing, which was punched home just recently when I realized how badly I fit in to the clique she ran with. I realized I didn’t fit in, that I wasn’t comfortable in the situation and yet I didn’t want to leave. It didn’t make any sense at the time, but then I remembered what a friend of mine had told me. “Don’t go looking for love. You won’t find it, and when you think you have, you’ll be even more disappointed if it doesn’t work out.” Again, thinking back, there’s no reason why I should keep trying to find someone to love, because it only ends in failure for me in the end, but it’s that feeling of being alone for so long that leads me to do these stupid things. Which leads me to one of my “resolutions” that I am hoping I can follow through with this year. I have a lot going on in my life right now, especially with the new job that I recently acquired, and I want to make sure it becomes something that lasts for a long time, because I am enjoying it more than any other job before this. But at the same time, 2012 is a year that I want to make a difference, and start doing something bigger with my life. The problem is, I can’t do any of that if my mind is elsewhere, stuck in a fantasy world of thoughts of better things which depresses me when I think about them. Thoughts like those need to be removed.

There’s something that people tend to say a lot to friends who are stupid like me. “Don’t go searching for love. It will find you when it’s ready.” (Fun Fact: girls, don’t ever say, “You’re a really great guy, but don’t worry, there’s someone out there for you who you’ll make very happy one day.” When enough people say that, it’s hard to believe it, and it will just hurt more.) I’m hoping that I can follow through with listening to that saying, because I want to make 2012 a year where I don’t dwell on things that bring me down. Sure, there are plenty of other things going on in our world right now that could bring down my mood or attitude, but it’s the things that you do to yourself that hurt the most. It’s really weird what we can do, or how we think when we have something in our minds that just sticks there. For the people who I care about, I go out of my way to make their lives as happy as can be, and yet sometimes, I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. I hope that is something that I won’t have to think about in 2012, because I just want it to be a wonderful year. And since it’s our last year, we may as well go out with a BANG, right?

So what about you? Are you in love? Do you have trouble with love? How about your “one girl” (or “one guy”)? Join the discussion in the comments!

2 Comments

  1. Oh, love. What a bittersweet topic.
    For me? I love everyone. No, not necessarily in a romantic way (though I won’t sent being absurdly romantic with my friends and family from time to time). Anyways, my main life goal is to make the world a better place, closely followed by loving everyone and doing what I love (not THAT kind of doing. Get your mind out of the gutter, Nick). I find that as long as I can honestly say I love at least a few people, I can feel content. That doesn’t mean I don’t want a special someone, but seeing all these people I know go crazy from someone dumping them or wanting someone back after dumping them or even just being so desperate that they openly announce “I want to jump someone”? It’s…well. Odd. And makes me stay away from my immediate age group for the most part.
    It makes me sad though. So many people get divorced, commit suicide, commit homicide, hurt others, hurt themselves, cheat, lie, and just generally act horrible. And for what? Misguided love.
    I’ll leave now before I get too philosophical or depressing. :>

    • Don’t feel bad about getting in depth about this topic. Love has been a topic that has haunted me for many, many years, and while I always try to be positive about it, it’s my own fault that it turns negative.

      That being said, I completely understand what you mean. You and I share a similar goal with the world, and yes, I do love some of my friends a lot as well, just as friends. It’s my own fault that I look for more, and get down when I can’t find it. And with the girl whom I like unconditionally for no good reason whatsoever… it can’t be explained. You are just smarter about it than I am, obviously.

      The idea of people cheating, getting divorced, etc. is something that baffles me. I can honestly say that I have never even considered doing anything of the sort, and I can’t see why people would resort to it. Love isn’t always right sometimes and people make incorrect decisions, but being honest is the best thing to do in those situations. I think the problem is, some people have a similar problem to mine where they just can’t handle it when that happens. I can handle this one girl not liking me… I just don’t like it, haha.

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